Chapter Twenty

Peace

Edward Pov

I lay on the floor holding Bella waiting for the ambulance. Bella was unconscious and I wasn't sure if she was breathing or not. There was a pool of blood surrounding her. I was shitting myself.

Is she dead? What if she doesn't wake up?

I felt like shit. My eyes were shutting and I was struggling to keep them open. Charlie had managed to get a few blows into my ribs and the pain was excruciating. I couldn't see Charlie from where I lay; I didn't know how long I had lain there. I felt dizzy. I was trying to feel Bella's pulse but I couldn't reach and it was too painful to move. I couldn't hear any noises to imply the ambulance was near, but I called my father.

It should be here by now, what's taking so long?

I knew I could be an asshole, but dad wouldn't not send an ambulance, would he? I reached for my phone. I could feel the pain coming from my ribs as I struggled to get it out of my pocket. I punched my dad's number into the phone but it just rang and rang. I was starting to freak out. Bella hadn't moved. I could still hear the scream she let out. I knew she was in pain but I wasn't sure of the extent of the damage. I wanted to kill Charlie. If he hadn't gotten a dig to my ribs I would've. I might have, I hadn't heard any sounds coming from him, or saw any movement.

Bella Pov

I could hear beeping noises and hear voices. The voices weren't making sense to my ears. I didn't know where I was. Was I dead? I thought about my life so far, I had so much I wanted to do. So much I never would get to do. I wanted to grow up. I wanted to someday have a family. I wanted so much, but it was too late for me now. I would never get to experience things that normal teenagers experienced. I wondered if anyone would miss me, if they would care, but I knew they wouldn't, no one would. I doubted anyone would realize I was gone.

Edward!

Edward had come. Did he care? Was he hurt? Was he dead too? The beeping noises were getting louder as I pondered the well being of Edward. The voices in my head were getting clearer but I still couldn't make them out.

"She's awake." It was Carlisle.

I tried to open my eyes, but they felt heavy. I felt pain shooting through my body and I bit on my lip to stop myself from screaming.

I'm alive.

"Bella," I felt relief wash over me as I heard Edwards voice, it was strained slightly but it was his voice. "If you can hear me squeeze my hand." I squeezed his hand with as much strength as I could muster. "Bella, you've had stitches to your head, you've got 2 cracked ribs and Bella, you were, you were pregnant Bella, you weren't far along, but you lost the baby. You're going to be ok, we don't know where Charlie is, he disappeared; but we will find him. I promise." I squeezed Edwards hand as tight as I could. I was pregnant? I had lost the baby? It was as if it was a set of keys, or my mobile, I had lost it. Lost it. It was gone. I didn't even know if it was a boy or a girl, it was simply just an 'it'. I had always dreamed of one day having a child of my own. I just didn't expect to get pregnant as a product of rape. I didn't expect to lose the baby. I had so many emotions running through me. I didn't know what to feel. Should I feel angry that he got me pregnant? Should I feel despair at the thought of losing my child? Should I feel relief that I don't have to bring up his child? Should I feel guilty for thinking I should be relieved at the thought of losing my child? The truth was I didn't know what to feel. I wanted to curl up and die but I wanted to live. I was so confused.

Edward Pov

I had a bandage wrapped around my cracked rib but I was more worried about Bella. We had taken her home from the hospital figuring she would feel better that way. Dad was here anyway if she needed medical attention. Dad had said that she had spent most of her life being in and out the hospital so he thought she would prefer to stay at ours. I disagreed thinking the hospital would be more familiar to her but I didn't voice my opinion.

The days went past and Bella just lay in my bed, she didn't want to move, she didn't try. She let Alice help her to the toilet and help her wash, sometimes Kaycee would help and sometimes she would let my mum but that was the only time she moved. She didn't utter a word, she was like a zombie.

I didn't know what the fuck I was supposed to say, what I was supposed to do. Mum let her be, but I could tell dad was really worried. It was as if she was fading away in front of me, she wouldn't eat, she hardly slept, she didn't speak. It was scaring the shit out of me. She was just there.

We were both staying off school for the time being. She wasn't able to go to school and even though I was I stayed off to look after her, not that she let me.

"How about I make you some toast?" I asked her.

"Hmm." Was the reply. That was the only reply I got these days. I wished I could snap her out of it, say something to break her out of it. She was lifeless. Existing, but not living. If I would've had to hazard a guess I would've guessed that that was the way her whole life up to now had been. An existence, not a life. I felt sorry for her. It was just shit.

How profound Edward.

It was true though. Life was shit, life is shit. Mum liked to be all philosophical and shit and would say things like 'life is what you make of it' but that was bullshit. You were either lucky in life or you fucking weren't, simple. Bella it seemed was unlucky. She was troubled. I had always deemed myself in that category. I didn't appreciate how good I had shit. I had security, a roof over my head, food, and money. I had whatever I wanted and Bella had nothing.

I wondered about the stories going around school. I hadn't really spoken to anyone since that day. Mike had knocked on the door that night. I had taken great pleasure in telling him Bella couldn't make their date. I did feel kind of bad for the guy but it wasn't my problem. He had seen the bandages as I wasn't wearing a top when I answered the door but he didn't ask. He knew better than to ask. He made a small fuss but when he realised he wasn't going to see her he left. I watched him retreat down the driveway towards his car. I watched till he was gone. I told Bella about it that night, but she didn't seem to notice. She didn't seem to notice anything. I wanted to console her, to tell her everything was going to be ok, but I didn't know if it was or not.

That's it! She thinks once the projects over she'll no longer be welcome here, she won't have a home.

I didn't know how to tell her without letting her know I knew what she was thinking. I didn't know if it was what she was thinking, it was just my theory.

"Bella, were going to have to go pick up the rest of your stuff soon?" I made it out like a question rather than telling her what to do. I wasn't good in these types of situations. Alice had been giving me a hard time since what happened but that was Alice, I wished that she was here now she would know exactly what to say.

"What?" It was the most she had spoken in days. I took her hands and looked into her eyes as I told her, "Bella, you'll be living here now, with us. This is your home now."

She looked confused as if I had just told her some fucking complicated shit. She looked so lost I didn't know what to say, or if I had said the right thing.

"Oh Edward." She wrapped her tiny arms around my neck. It wasn't an easy fucking task given the injuries. "I can stay? I can really stay?" She asked, I could hear the shyness in her voice. I could hear the fear of rejection. I smiled at her in a sign of reassurance or whatever. "Where the fuck did you think you were going to stay?" I asked her. She just shrugged her shoulders which looked like a fucking sore thing to do. I gave her another cuddle, which was something I just didn't do, but I could be fucking sensitive, she deserved a bit of sensitivity after what she had been through.

"I never told you how thankful I am to you for coming to my rescue; I wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for you." I was gobsmacked; I hadn't seen it that way. I didn't think of myself as a hero, I couldn't have left her to die. No one would have let her die. I just got there first.

"Bella, anyone would have done the same, I'm no hero." I didn't want her to treat me any differently just because of what I had done.

"No one would have done that for me. I'm no one." I looked at her face as she said they words. She was right; no one would have done that for her because no one knew. No one knew the real her or what she had been through.

"Come on!" I told her. She looked at me as though I had grown two heads. Maybe I had. I helped her up and half carried her down the stairs. She didn't look as if she was in pain so I continued leading her out to my car and helping her in.

It took me five minutes to get where I was taking her. I stopped the car and looked at her face, she was utterly confused but she didn't question me, she followed me blindly, it was obvious that she trusted me, and I was actually quite grateful. I didn't know who I was anymore. I had brought her to the place Alice and I had come to when we were kids. When it was her and I against the world. When nothing else had mattered. I got out the car and opened the passenger side for her. I led her out behind the trees to the meadow. It was exactly as I remembered. There were wild flowers everywhere. Pink, purple, blue, orange, there was every colour. It resembled a water colour portrait. It was simple and beautiful. It was just like Bella. She looked out in awe as I let go of her hand. She kicked off the shoes I had helped her slip her feet into and walked about feeling the grass on her toes. I smiled. The meadow was calming, it was like therapeutic or some shit like that. I could see it had that same effect on Bella. It was only Alice and I that knew about this place. It was only us that had ever been here. I don't know why I was sharing it with Bella, but I was. I helped her sit down and watched as she looked around in wonder. Her brown eyes were glowing in the sun. I took my top off and lay down beside where she sat. My ribs were sore and the grass seemed to erase the pain. I felt Bella's hand run along my bandage; she was being gentle and careful. I could feel her eyes on my body and I wondered if she liked what she saw. One look at her face told me she did. It was as though she was mesmerized. She lay down beside me with a little help and I took her hand. I could have lay there for hours without a worry or a care. I picked a pink flower and placed it delicately in her brown waves. She laughed and did the same to me with a blue flower. I expected it just to fall but it settled itself on my bronze mess. I laughed. It was nice to be carefree, to have no worries. To just be. It was peaceful. She laid her head on my chest tracing the muscles on my arm with her fingers. I closed my eyes and let the feeling overtake me. I could feel her gentle touch and it was fucking sensual. I didn't know what was happening. I didn't know what time it was. Nothing mattered. I ran my fingers through her hair, playing with it in my fingers. She tilted her head up to look at me and I opened my eyes. I stared into her eyes trying to read the emotion on her face; it was registering an emotion I didn't know. I wanted to know what she was thinking. I wanted to know what she feeling. I watched her face get closer as she pressed her lips against mine. I went with it kissing her back. I gently licked her bottom lip silently asking for entry. I felt her lips part and I massaged her tongue with mine deepening the kiss. Her fingers had move to my chest, drawing patterns. I did the same to her back and I heard a small moan. This made me groan as my dick started hardening. It had been a while since I had gotten my dick wet and I longed for it. I felt her body pressing closer against me. I knew she wasn't in as much pain, but she was still sore and I didn't want to hurt her. I went to pull back to ask if she was ok but she didn't let me, she deepened the kiss even more. I held her closer to me and I heard her moan. I wondered briefly if I had hurt her before I realized where my dick was positioned. I had rubbed up against her sweet little pussy and she had liked it. I moved my hips grazing the same spot and she moaned again. Her breathing was getting heavier. I could feel her legs shaking slightly. She was turned on almost as much as me.

We had to stop. I knew we had to stop. It was wrong.

How? How is it wrong?

I couldn't do this, we couldn't do this, could we?