Chapter Twenty Two

Hot Chocolate

Bella Pov

"I..we.." I trailed off. I didn't know what to say. I couldn't think let alone process words. My mind was full of jumble. I had given myself to Edward. I had given myself to him willingly. I had even instigated what had happened. I had told him I loved him. He had said it back though. Surely that was a joke? A trick?

He said it after he made love to you.

It was then it dawned on me. Edward had made love to me. It was gentle and careful and nice. I didn't feel that dirty cheap nasty way I had felt when it was James. It wasn't just sex, was it? I had little experience in that department, I honestly didn't know. How could I trust the boy who had made my life a misery?

He saved your life.

I didn't know what to do. What to say. Edward looked as though he was trying to form the right words in his head. I couldn't even make my brain comprehend what had happened. I lightly pinched my arm expecting to wake up. This couldn't be real, could it?

Ouch!

It wasn't just the pinch that had hurt though I was sure it would leave a bruise. I bruised very easily, I liked to blame it on the pale skin, but I wasn't sure of the reason. I felt my ribs tightening as though I had just been kicked.

Edward was silent though I could tell he had seen the expression of pain written all over my face. I never was good at hiding my feelings. I was an open book, my thoughts seemed to always be displayed on my face. It gave a new meaning to the expression 'wearing your heart on your sleeve.' I winced as I felt another shoot of pain.

I wasn't sure of the time, but it was starting to get dark. I wanted to leave but I couldn't seem to form the words. Luckily Edward decided to wake up a little. He helped me into my clothes as the rain graced us with its presence.

Typical.

In a way it was fitting. After all, didn't something or someone always rain on my parade? I wasn't sure what to make of what had happened after my brain began to realize I was indeed awake.

"Are you ok?" Edward sounded worried. I nodded slowly as the pain seemed to have subsided a little. It was still sore but more of a dull pain compared to the shooting pain I had experienced a moment ago. He didn't look convinced but he gave me a half hearted smile and carefully picked me up, once he had dressed, and he carried me back to his car. He tilted the passenger seat back slightly allowing me to lie back. I was grateful, but a little of unsure of what to make of recent events. I wondered what it meant as he drove in silence back to his house.

Edward Pov

"I..we.." Bella had started. It was more than I could think let alone speak. I had moaned and moaned about how little she had spoke over the last few days and here I was unable to find my own words. What do you say to the girl you had tortured countless amount of times after you make love to her?

Make love?

I had made love to her. I had never made love to any girl. It wasn't my style, I liked to fuck girls not get caught up in emotions and pointless shit like that. I had even told her I loved her. I didn't think about it, the words were out before I could stop them. I couldn't fucking take them back now, I didn't know what to say at all. I racked my brain to come up with anything, anything at all.

Bella was silent, she looked lost in her own thoughts. I wondered what she was thinking, feeling. I looked into her eyes to see them full of pain, I wasn't sure if I had hurt her, or if she was regretting what had happened, or if it was her injuries. I couldn't form the words to ask.

The darkness had seemed to fade in slowly and I wondered the time. I looked at Bella, still wearing the same pained expression. My instincts kicked in as I gathered her clothes and helped her put them on. The rain had started as I was half way through, soaking my naked body. Bella didn't seem to notice, looking too lost in her own thoughts.

"Are you ok?" I asked her as my brain finally began functioning. She nodded slowly but her expression never changed. I tried to smile at her, re-assurance and shit, but I couldn't quite manage.

I carried her to the car, being careful not to hurt her. I re-adjusted the seat to make her more comfortable. I couldn't help wonder why as I never adjusted my Volvo for anyone. My Volvo was the most important thing to me. The look of gratitude on her face was enough to stop the wondering.

Maybe I do love her?

It came out as a question in my own mind. Why had I said it then? Why did things have to be so fucking complicated. I thought about what was going to happen now as I drove in silence to the house.

"Where have you been?" The instigation started as we walked through the front door.

"Oh you poor dears, you're soaked right through." My mother pitched in leading us into the 'family room.' She wrapped blankets around us and announced she was going to make us some hot chocolate. My father stood waiting on an explanation as we were fussed over.

"It was my-my fault." Bella stuttered out looking sheepish. The blush had appeared on her face as she looked down at her feet.

"I-I-I asked Edward if we could go out, I needed some fresh air, I persuaded him to take us away from the house, we didn't realize it was getting late and then the rain came on and we hurried back to the car."

I knew from experience that she was a terrible liar, but she managed to sound so convincing I almost believed her myself.

Carlisle looked at her sympathetically nodding in understanding. I couldn't fucking believe it. If I had said that I had wanted some fresh air and she had accompanied me it would be a big fucking deal! I was fucking sick of getting the blame of all the shit that went on inside closed doors. I was the big bad ass, even Emmett who had fucked up enough to plant a bun in Fucking Rosalie Hale's oven had been treated with some consideration. I was the fuck up. I stormed away to my room without a glance back.

Fuck the hot chocolate. Fuck everything.

I wanted to scream. I wanted to punch something. I wanted to do anything to relieve myself of the anger bubbling inside of me. I heard a timid knock on the door as I kicked my shoes at the wall.

"It's your fucking room as well!" I snapped as Bella entered. She handed me my hot chocolate carefully obviously trying not to spill it. I couldn't help feeling bad. It wasn't her fault. She had just stuck up for me. She had given herself to me. I couldn't be a dick.

"I'm sorry." I practically whispered the words as she was retreating back out the door. She paused at the door way turning to look at me with they brown eyes. She stood for what felt like ages until I patted the bed next to me. She reluctantly joined me sitting her own mug on the beside table. I flashed my trademark smile at her. I had no ulterior motive other than to show her that I was sorry. She smiled back laying her head on my chest.

I went over the events of earlier in my head. I replayed the scene over and over again. There was no doubt about it she was beautiful. So fucking sexy. Nothing could have prepared me for her perfectly proportioned tits. They were perky and perfect. She was wonderful. I didn't understand how I hadn't seen it before, but I only saw what I wanted. I lived in my own world. I was arrogant and cocky. I never let anyone in.

Alice had tried to reach me, but it was pointless, no one could reach me any more. I had put up a shield long ago and the barriers were so strong I doubted I could break out never mind anyone break in. I watched as Bella took a sip of her hot chocolate, she looked content enough, but I could see the worry buried underneath.

"What's wrong?" I asked her.

"Nothing." She smiled whilst tickling my sides.

"Ow, ow, ow!" She squealed holding her side. Had she not been laughing through the tears I might have been worried. It was nice to see her laugh. I flashed her my trademark smile and watched as her lovely blush appeared on her cheeks.

Lovely? Really Edward get a grip!

"Oh so it's like that is it?" I said. I picked her up gently, making sure she had sat her hot chocolate down first. She was giggling before I had even moved. I placed her gently in the middle of the bed securing her there with my legs and pinning her hands gently with mine. She looked up at me all signs of humour removed from her face. I smiled at her as I leaned down closer. Just as my lips were about to reach hers I let my hand slip down to her knee tickling her gently. She giggled loudly into my mouth playfully slapping me with the hand I had let go. I laughed with her rolling onto the bed beside her. We must have lay there for at least five minutes, but it felt like hours. We never said a word to each other just lay in comfortable silence. I could tell she was smiling without even looking at her. It was weird to me how connected I felt to her, I could tell what she was feeling what she was doing without looking at her or asking her. What was wrong with me? Who was this person I was slowly becoming?

I felt Bella move beside me. I could hear her drinking her hot chocolate and I could practically feel her discomfort rolling off her in waves. It amazed me how little confidence she had in herself. I sat up and tried to smile at her, she looked so vulnerable.

I promise you Bella, I'll fix things. I'll make things right again if it's the last thing I do.

I smiled at her once more. "Let's go to bed."