Where Do We Go From Here
Bella Pov
I felt as though I was suffocating. I felt like my air supply had been cut off. I was being slowly dragged into the darkness. There was nothing in front of me but a black hole. An abyss I was being sucked into. There was nothing.
I didn't know who I was. I didn't care. Nothing mattered anymore. I had no one. I had nothing. I longed for my mother. I would give anything to see her smile, her face, to hear her reassuring words. She always knew the right things to say. She was erratic but she was wise. She had so much life in her, so much life that was taken away. It wasn't fair. Why was I here and she wasn't? That wasn't how it was supposed to be.
I looked at Edward. I envied him. He had everything. He had a family, a real family. They may have squabbles and differences but that was a family to me, a real family. Real families weren't perfect, they had lots of imperfections but they worked them out and understood. They may have fights but at the worst times they were a unit, they stuck together. I had never had that, not with Charlie. I didn't want sympathy or charity; I had too much sympathy for myself.
I didn't want to speak to anyone. I was grateful that they had saved my life. I was scared though scared of the future of what was to come. I was scared of everything and I was scared of nothing. I was confused. I felt as though my vision was blurry. I couldn't see clear, everything seemed so far away, so out of reach. It was as though I was dead. It was as though I was trapped. I had felt trapped with Charlie. He had ruled my life. He had owned me. I was his possession, his slave. I was free now, but I had nowhere to go.
I had always dreamed of being free of Charlie, of having a life of my own. I had never once thought about what I would do when I was free. I hadn't thought about where I would go. I had no other family. I had nowhere to live, nowhere to go. I was alone. I had always felt alone. Lost. Now I was. My little piece of heaven had turned dark. My future suddenly seemed empty, seemed pointless. Why did Edward save me? If he would have let me die, I could have been with my mother right now, I could be somewhere I was wanted, somewhere I was loved. I knew my thinking was irrational. I knew I was glad to be alive. I wanted to experience so much in life, and I was going to start as soon as I could. I couldn't help the thoughts that would come though, the thoughts of longing. I longed for acceptance. I longed for love. There was only one person that had ever given me any sort of affection. The person that was gone. Like the baby that was once in my stomach, she was lost. She was a lost soul, but she was free. I was forever trapped in a world that didn't want me.
Edward had stayed nearby babysitting me. I knew what doctor Carlisle thought. He knew about the depression eating away inside of me. That was the reason Edward watched my every move. I wasn't sure if Edward was aware why he was doing it, but he did it. He asked me the same inane questions every day, questions about food, questions that held no importance. I hummed in response, he would make me the food whether I gave him a full answer or not. I felt guilty acting so cold towards the person that had saved my life. It was a duty though. It wasn't because he actually cared. Why would he? I was a plain girl with no prospects. I was nothing, no one. I didn't deserve the hospitality, I didn't deserve anything.
I heard him mutter something about collecting the rest of my stuff. This confused me. Where would we be collecting my things from? I had no things except for the few things I had in Charlie's home. I had some clothes and a few personal possessions that I had took when my mother had died. Surely he didn't mean to take the things from there? I didn't have anywhere to put them to take them too. I hadn't expected him to say that. It had been a few days, I was healing but I was still a little sore sometimes. I didn't think I would have to leave now. I didn't think they would make me leave straight away. I had nowhere to go. I asked him what he meant playing dumb. I was scared of the answer. I didn't have a reason to be. He said the last thing I expected. He had said I was to stay. To live here. I ran the words around my head trying to make sense of them. How could that be? Surely they didn't want me to stay? Why would they want me to stay?
I couldn't tell if he meant it from his face. He never seemed to show any emotions. I looked into his eyes and asked him straight out if I could stay. I wrapped my arms around him as he asked me where else I would go. It was as if he had read my mind. I was so grateful. I was a part of a family, a real family.
That was when Edward took me to the meadow. The most beautiful place I had ever been. It was covered in the most beautiful flowers. I had never seen anywhere like it, I had never been anywhere like it. I don't know what made me kiss Edward that day. It could have been the gratitude I felt to him for saving my life and for inviting me to live at his house. It could have been in tune with my new plan to experience as much as possible as soon as I could. If I had to guess the exact reason though I would chalk it up to my new found realization. The fact that I loved him. I hated that I did, he wasn't the type of person I wanted to give my heart too, but I had.
I guess you can't help who you love.
I knew it would be wise to stop. I could feel his hard on rub against me. I could hear the change in my breathing as it started to get heavier. I gripped his hair tightly as I pushed myself against him. I felt a desire I had never felt. I could hear noises coming from me that I had never made. I could hear him groan in my mouth. I welcomed the feelings. I took the bulge he had in my hand. I rubbed it gently on the outside of his jeans. I could still picture how big it was from the day he had dropped his towel. I could picture the thickness and it scared me. I didn't have much time to think about it as he started massaging my breasts. The feeling was electrifying. It was as though there were a thousand volts of electricity going through my body. I felt a connection I had never felt. I wondered if he felt the same. I felt him unclip my bra with ease. I lifted my hands up allowing him to relieve me of the top I wore. My bra straps slipped down my arms as I was exposed in front of him. I heard him gasp as he removed his mouth from mine, but I kept my eyes closed. I felt his fingers graze over my nipples and I jumped slightly at the sensation. I was still fondling his bulge; it was growing harder under my touch. I could feel wetness seeping from my lower body. I opened my eyes seeing my desire I felt mirrored in the god before me's eyes. I unbuttoned the first button of his jeans easily keeping eye contact with him as I did. I could feel his hands moving over my nipples as he moved from beneath me. He laid me on the grass with ease kissing my lips once more. His lips moved down my neck sending shivers down my spine. I had Goosebumps all over my body. I closed my eyes as his lips made their way to my breasts, his tongue kissing, licking, sucking, nibbling at my nipples. I moaned. His mouth made its way down my tummy, his tongue dipping inside my navel making my hips move. He licked along the waistband of the jogging bottoms I wore as my fingers found their way to his hair, untangling the gorgeous bronze. He looked into my eyes as he tugged at my bottoms. I lifted my ass slightly allowing him to take them down. He took them down slowly kissing the inside of my thigh as he did. I was conscious of the fact that all I wore was my panties. I felt insecure and unworthy. The look Edward was giving me was full of desire, full of appreciation. I closed my eyes as I felt his fingers touch what little bit of fabric I had covering me. I could feel the wetness multiplying at his touch. He grazed a finger over my clit making my hips buck. I was whimpering but I couldn't stop. The feeling was intense. I moaned as his fingers made circular motions. My legs opened for him. He planted a kiss on the fabric before gently pulling it down my legs. I lay there completely exposed. Edward's eyes taking in my naked form. He took in a deep breath as my cheeks began to redden. I felt as though I had been lying there for hours, his eyes studying me. He slipped a finger inside me making me gasp. His other hand was roaming around my body but his eyes were on mine.
"I want you." I whispered. My voice was thick with lust.
I heard him groan at my words. He slipped his jeans down his legs, followed by his boxers. His erection was huge.
"Will you hurt me?" I asked. He shook his head as his fingers went back to my lower body. I moaned softly as his fingers entered me.
"You're so wet, so tight."
I felt him press up against my entrance as he slowly entered me. I cried out as he filled me up. I wrapped my legs tightly around his back as he moved himself in and out of me. I had never felt so good in my life. I was squirming under his body. I no longer had control as the noises escaped my lips. I heard him groan over and over. His fingers made their way to my clitoris again making me cry out louder and louder till I felt my whole body tense up. I felt as though I was going to explode as my body shook, my hips moving along with Edwards. I screamed out in orgasm before Edward pulled out of me.
"I love you." I whispered getting caught up in the moment. The last thing I expected was what happened next.
"I love you too."
I didn't know who I was. I didn't care. Nothing mattered anymore. I had no one. I had nothing. I longed for my mother. I would give anything to see her smile, her face, to hear her reassuring words. She always knew the right things to say. She was erratic but she was wise. She had so much life in her, so much life that was taken away. It wasn't fair. Why was I here and she wasn't? That wasn't how it was supposed to be.
I looked at Edward. I envied him. He had everything. He had a family, a real family. They may have squabbles and differences but that was a family to me, a real family. Real families weren't perfect, they had lots of imperfections but they worked them out and understood. They may have fights but at the worst times they were a unit, they stuck together. I had never had that, not with Charlie. I didn't want sympathy or charity; I had too much sympathy for myself.
I didn't want to speak to anyone. I was grateful that they had saved my life. I was scared though scared of the future of what was to come. I was scared of everything and I was scared of nothing. I was confused. I felt as though my vision was blurry. I couldn't see clear, everything seemed so far away, so out of reach. It was as though I was dead. It was as though I was trapped. I had felt trapped with Charlie. He had ruled my life. He had owned me. I was his possession, his slave. I was free now, but I had nowhere to go.
I had always dreamed of being free of Charlie, of having a life of my own. I had never once thought about what I would do when I was free. I hadn't thought about where I would go. I had no other family. I had nowhere to live, nowhere to go. I was alone. I had always felt alone. Lost. Now I was. My little piece of heaven had turned dark. My future suddenly seemed empty, seemed pointless. Why did Edward save me? If he would have let me die, I could have been with my mother right now, I could be somewhere I was wanted, somewhere I was loved. I knew my thinking was irrational. I knew I was glad to be alive. I wanted to experience so much in life, and I was going to start as soon as I could. I couldn't help the thoughts that would come though, the thoughts of longing. I longed for acceptance. I longed for love. There was only one person that had ever given me any sort of affection. The person that was gone. Like the baby that was once in my stomach, she was lost. She was a lost soul, but she was free. I was forever trapped in a world that didn't want me.
Edward had stayed nearby babysitting me. I knew what doctor Carlisle thought. He knew about the depression eating away inside of me. That was the reason Edward watched my every move. I wasn't sure if Edward was aware why he was doing it, but he did it. He asked me the same inane questions every day, questions about food, questions that held no importance. I hummed in response, he would make me the food whether I gave him a full answer or not. I felt guilty acting so cold towards the person that had saved my life. It was a duty though. It wasn't because he actually cared. Why would he? I was a plain girl with no prospects. I was nothing, no one. I didn't deserve the hospitality, I didn't deserve anything.
I heard him mutter something about collecting the rest of my stuff. This confused me. Where would we be collecting my things from? I had no things except for the few things I had in Charlie's home. I had some clothes and a few personal possessions that I had took when my mother had died. Surely he didn't mean to take the things from there? I didn't have anywhere to put them to take them too. I hadn't expected him to say that. It had been a few days, I was healing but I was still a little sore sometimes. I didn't think I would have to leave now. I didn't think they would make me leave straight away. I had nowhere to go. I asked him what he meant playing dumb. I was scared of the answer. I didn't have a reason to be. He said the last thing I expected. He had said I was to stay. To live here. I ran the words around my head trying to make sense of them. How could that be? Surely they didn't want me to stay? Why would they want me to stay?
I couldn't tell if he meant it from his face. He never seemed to show any emotions. I looked into his eyes and asked him straight out if I could stay. I wrapped my arms around him as he asked me where else I would go. It was as if he had read my mind. I was so grateful. I was a part of a family, a real family.
That was when Edward took me to the meadow. The most beautiful place I had ever been. It was covered in the most beautiful flowers. I had never seen anywhere like it, I had never been anywhere like it. I don't know what made me kiss Edward that day. It could have been the gratitude I felt to him for saving my life and for inviting me to live at his house. It could have been in tune with my new plan to experience as much as possible as soon as I could. If I had to guess the exact reason though I would chalk it up to my new found realization. The fact that I loved him. I hated that I did, he wasn't the type of person I wanted to give my heart too, but I had.
I guess you can't help who you love.
I knew it would be wise to stop. I could feel his hard on rub against me. I could hear the change in my breathing as it started to get heavier. I gripped his hair tightly as I pushed myself against him. I felt a desire I had never felt. I could hear noises coming from me that I had never made. I could hear him groan in my mouth. I welcomed the feelings. I took the bulge he had in my hand. I rubbed it gently on the outside of his jeans. I could still picture how big it was from the day he had dropped his towel. I could picture the thickness and it scared me. I didn't have much time to think about it as he started massaging my breasts. The feeling was electrifying. It was as though there were a thousand volts of electricity going through my body. I felt a connection I had never felt. I wondered if he felt the same. I felt him unclip my bra with ease. I lifted my hands up allowing him to relieve me of the top I wore. My bra straps slipped down my arms as I was exposed in front of him. I heard him gasp as he removed his mouth from mine, but I kept my eyes closed. I felt his fingers graze over my nipples and I jumped slightly at the sensation. I was still fondling his bulge; it was growing harder under my touch. I could feel wetness seeping from my lower body. I opened my eyes seeing my desire I felt mirrored in the god before me's eyes. I unbuttoned the first button of his jeans easily keeping eye contact with him as I did. I could feel his hands moving over my nipples as he moved from beneath me. He laid me on the grass with ease kissing my lips once more. His lips moved down my neck sending shivers down my spine. I had Goosebumps all over my body. I closed my eyes as his lips made their way to my breasts, his tongue kissing, licking, sucking, nibbling at my nipples. I moaned. His mouth made its way down my tummy, his tongue dipping inside my navel making my hips move. He licked along the waistband of the jogging bottoms I wore as my fingers found their way to his hair, untangling the gorgeous bronze. He looked into my eyes as he tugged at my bottoms. I lifted my ass slightly allowing him to take them down. He took them down slowly kissing the inside of my thigh as he did. I was conscious of the fact that all I wore was my panties. I felt insecure and unworthy. The look Edward was giving me was full of desire, full of appreciation. I closed my eyes as I felt his fingers touch what little bit of fabric I had covering me. I could feel the wetness multiplying at his touch. He grazed a finger over my clit making my hips buck. I was whimpering but I couldn't stop. The feeling was intense. I moaned as his fingers made circular motions. My legs opened for him. He planted a kiss on the fabric before gently pulling it down my legs. I lay there completely exposed. Edward's eyes taking in my naked form. He took in a deep breath as my cheeks began to redden. I felt as though I had been lying there for hours, his eyes studying me. He slipped a finger inside me making me gasp. His other hand was roaming around my body but his eyes were on mine.
"I want you." I whispered. My voice was thick with lust.
I heard him groan at my words. He slipped his jeans down his legs, followed by his boxers. His erection was huge.
"Will you hurt me?" I asked. He shook his head as his fingers went back to my lower body. I moaned softly as his fingers entered me.
"You're so wet, so tight."
I felt him press up against my entrance as he slowly entered me. I cried out as he filled me up. I wrapped my legs tightly around his back as he moved himself in and out of me. I had never felt so good in my life. I was squirming under his body. I no longer had control as the noises escaped my lips. I heard him groan over and over. His fingers made their way to my clitoris again making me cry out louder and louder till I felt my whole body tense up. I felt as though I was going to explode as my body shook, my hips moving along with Edwards. I screamed out in orgasm before Edward pulled out of me.
"I love you." I whispered getting caught up in the moment. The last thing I expected was what happened next.
"I love you too."
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