Chapter Thirteen

Ignorance Is Bliss

Charlie Pov

I looked out at the lake running a hand through my greying hair. I had successfully ignored my phone for an hour now, I didn't like to be disturbed, not when I was fishing. It was peaceful out here. The water was calm and the sky was blue. Everything was as it appeared to be. There were no complications. Everything was still. Everything was as it should be. Nothing was out of place. It was simple yet complex. It was complex yet simple. It was like looking at a portrait. I chuckled to myself. How profound. A Portrait. Every detail perfect. Yet nothing was perfect. I sighed.

"Hello." I said. I didn't even have the energy to make myself sound annoyed to the person on the other side of the phone. "This had better be important." I told them, " I don't like to be disturbed."

"Does the name Carlisle Cullen mean anything to you?" An unmistakable voice asked.

James. Ah James. My loyal brother. We had been through the best together and we had been through the worst together. We had grew up side by side. We fell in love together. We even lost that love together. We were one person, but two people all at the same time.

"Doctor Carlisle Cullen?" I asked him, though I knew of only one Carlisle Cullen.

"Must be, he, well, he called a little while ago regarding Isabella."

"Go on." I prompted him.

"He said, um, he said that he was keeping her there until you returned from your trip. He said that that was what she wanted, and he was happy to have her staying there to work on a project or some shit like that."

I clenched my fists together tightly. The last thing I needed was people interfering in my business. It was, of course, my business, and mine alone. I told James that was fine and hung up the phone as fast as I could. I hated being bothered when I was fishing. I hated being bothered full stop. I looked back out at the lake. The sky was darkening and the calm I once thought to be peaceful now seemed Eerie. It was disturbing, almost fitting. It no longer seemed as picturesque. It seemed empty. Again fitting. For that was how I felt. Empty. Numb. Void. I thought back to years ago. I closed my eyes and saw every good memory I had flash before me. It was like I was dying, but then that was impossible. I was already dead. My heart hadn't beat in a long time. I wasn't living. I was merely existing.

I thought about the day at the hospital. I was handed a pink bundle. I looked down to see two chocolate brown eyes staring back at me. She was so innocent. My angel. It was like looking at her mother even then, just a more miniature version. She smiled an angelic smile and I felt my heart swell with pride. My daughter. She was perfect. Life was perfect. I didn't see the storm that was brewing overhead. How could I have realized that it was too perfect? I didn't till it was too late. I knew my wife. I knew her better than she knew herself. How could I not see that she would get bored, that she would want to move on? It took three years. Three years for her to get bored of small town life and move on. She had no intentions of taking me with her had I even considered the move. Renee was like that. She was flaky. She was indecisive. She was infuriatingly intolerable but lovable all the same. That was who she was. I knew that when I married her, but I still couldn't come to terms with it. I let her walk out the front door without a word. I was too stubborn. I was too proud.

When I had heard of Renee's death I was torn. I felt a hundred different emotions course through me. Regret. Sorrow. Pain. Anguish. Hurt. Anger. I didn't even think some of the emotions I felt existed. They were truelly mine and mine alone. I stood at the funeral beside a young girl. A young girl with the weight of the world on her shoulders. I hadn't one word of comfort to give to her. I could only share her pain. I watched as the coffin carrying the only women I had ever loved was lowered into the ground. I didn't cry. I didn't shed a single tear. I hadn't then or ever since. I floated through the ceremony like a ghost. I wasn't aware of anything around me. I simply didn't care.

It wasn't till months later I regained my strength. I began building walls around myself. I lived in the smallest of small towns and people talked. I didn't want to be a subject in their juvenile conversations any longer. I picked myself up, so to speak and I carried on with my life. The little girl who was now living under my roof appeared to be sinking lower and lower into a shell though. It was one thing to pick yourself up, but to pull someone up with you was a lot more difficult and I just didn't have the strength. To be honest I couldn't even look at the little girl. She was just a child but she brought back so many memories that I couldn't bear to face. Memories I had long since locked away and never wanted to revisit.

I remembered the first time I had struck Isabella. I had felt so in control. I knew it was just an accident, of course I did. I knew she hadn't purposely spilled her drink on the carpet. She was too young to understand the inner turmoil that was brewing inside of me that day. That day was of course the day that marked the anniversary of her mothers death. She was too young to know this. I suffered alone that day as I had the year before. This day was different though. The more Isabella grew up the more she resembled her mother. It was like a knife was being repeatedly stabbed into my chest and just looking at her face, her gorgeous face, was like the knife was being twisted around and around. It was unbearable. It was agony. It was torture. I had planned to put her up for adoption, but I knew that would have the people of Forks talking. So I tried to pursue other avenues. There were none. I hated the girl. The girl I had once held in my arms with love, meant nothing to me. There was nothing to do but bear it. Bear every ache inside my chest, every shooting pain I felt looking at the face of the women who abandoned me. I wasn't crazy, I knew I wasn't looking into the face of Renee. The similarities between the two were endless though, and even though it wasn't Renee's face I looked into, it may as well have been.

Every time I struck the girl I felt more in control. I felt powerful. I knew she would never leave. She couldn't leave. She was too scared of me to even contemplate such an idea. She would stay with me forever, until the day I died. Nobody would stop that from happening. Carlisle Cullen could be damned for all I cared, she was my daughter. She was all I had left.

I let my eyes once again wander over the lake. I didn't know how long I had sat here. It could've been minutes. It could have been hours. It could even have been a day, I didn't care. Everything was peaceful again. Everything was calm. I stared into the water and finally let my barriers down. I felt the emotion course through me as I sobbed. For the first time since Renee had walked out the door I uncontrollably sobbed. I sobbed for the past. I sobbed for the future. Until finally it subsided. Everything was normal again. It was like nothing had changed, but hadn't everything?