Chapter Twenty Three

Reality

Edward Pov

I awoke the next morning alone. The bed was made and Bella was nowhere to be seen. I looked at my clock displaying the time to be just after 10am. Where is she? I wondered. I crawled off my couch and made my way downstairs, running my fingers through my hair as I did so. It was a habit of mine that infuriated Alice. I searched around the house for her but came up short. It wasn't till I was making my way back up stairs I saw her. I moved closer to the glass panel windows to get a better look. She lay on the grass wearing the tiniest fucking shorts I have ever seen, and I've seen short, and a baggy t-shirt tied at the waist. She had a book in her hands that she was studying intently, she looked so natural as if she belonged. As if she was always here, but she wasn't always here. As I stood watching her I thought about how it would feel to be her which is shit I just don't do. It was getting too much for me being around her. She was always there, and right ok so she did live here too now and we did share a room and yes I am the one going about the house looking for her, but Charlie's still out there and he could come back for her at any time. I'm just being careful, that's all. I felt guilty for what had happened the day before. I mean fuck she was raped and then we.. but it's done and I can't do shit about it now. I made my way back up stairs and got dressed. My wounds were almost healed and Bella's were a lot less sore. We would be back to school soon, back to normal. In a way I was dreading going back. I didn't know what shit was being said about what happened. I'd had a few texts and a few calls just to update me on the gossip, but no one mentioned anything about me not being there or little miss goody too shoes either. I was surprised. I was sure Newton would have at least mentioned about the bandages but as far as I could tell, nobody knew. Kaycee was back at student housing today which meant Bella was back in with Alice tonight. I finally got my own fucking room back and everything can just go back to the way it was. It's better for everybody that way. I don't need to look like a dick being all considerate and shit, Bella can start again do what she likes. Everybody's happy. I wasn't going to treat her like shit any more and we still had a project to finish and shit but we run in completely different circles, we couldn't be friends. Just as I was walking out the door Bella had started walking in. If she'd have stopped reading her book and fucking paid attention we wouldn't have almost banged into each other. She looked up completely oblivious and smiled at me. “I..I thought we could work on our project today since were nearly back and we'll have to do it at some point.” She said with a smile on her face. Of course she was still miss goody too shoes that hadn't changed over night and of course she wanted to have everything done. “Whatever.” I said in response as I walked past her to the stairs. “Like we could work on it just now?” She said as more of a question than telling me. “Put some clothes on first, you look indecent.” I didn't really mean it how it sounded but I'm a warm blooded male and less clothes is a distraction. I didn't look back as I walked down the stairs. It was easier that Bella realize now that this friendship, bond, whatever the fuck we had formed wasn't going to work out. I knew it was harsh but she had to learn. That's just the way my world works. She came into the kitchen not long later with jeans and a baggy jumped on. I told her to put more clothes on not look as frumpy as possible. It was the only clothes of her own she had here and she was wearing them instead of Alice's. She completely confused me in every way she was so different from what I first thought but so much the same. Everything she does is completely the opposite of what you think she'll do, she constantly surprises you. Her face was emotionless, cold, hard. I hadn't seen this look before, I could normally read some kind of emotion in her face but it was like looking at an empty shell. “So were making soup as our starter. I thought lentil would be easier. I asked your mum to get the ingredients for us so we have everything we need. Can you cut up the vegetables and I'll boil the water and put the stock in?” She said everything so matter of fact no feeling behind it, and she was moving around as though lifeless. I wondered briefly what the fuck had got her acting so strange when she pressed a knife into my hand before turning and doing what she was doing. I started chopping shit up as instructed as she poured orange shit into the pot, I didn't have a fucking clue what she was doing and to be honest I didn't really care. I wanted to pass the project though and the only way I could was with her teaching me so I followed everything she told me to do. In the end we made a pretty fucking good soup if I do say so myself. Even my mum commented on how good it was. That night I was laying in bed watching two and a half men laughing my ass of at Charlie Sheen, the man truly was a legend, when Bella walked in. “What do you want?” I asked automatically. “I..I..well I..” For fucks sake. “Spit it out!” I prompted her. She looked close to tears and I instantly felt bad. I wasn't trying to be cruel or nasty towards her but she seemed to bring out the worst in me. “Look I'm sorry,” I said. “Is there something you wanted?” “I.. well I want to go to bed.” I looked at her in confusion. “Well go to bed then.” Wasn't that the most obvious thing to do? She started making her way over to my couch when it dawned on me what she meant. “Bella, you do realize now that Kay's back at her dorm your back in Alice's room now.” I told her explaining it slowly, how could someone so smart be so dumb. “Oh right, ok.” She muttered, her face turning the usual colour of beetroot red, as she slipped back out the room. I watched the door for a few minutes after she left. I crept up slowly and quietly across the hall to Alice's room and put my ear up against the door. I half expected Alice to catch me again but after a few minutes I heard talking. “Alice, why is Edward, you know, the way he erm is?” “You mean a jackass?” Alice laughed. “Well yeah?” “That's just Edward, Bella, he only cares about himself and nothing and no one else is important.” “I don't think he means it. I think deep down he does care, he just doesn't know how.” Bella's last statement stayed in my head for days after I heard it. Was that the truth? Did I care but just didn't know how to show it? Is that why I lashed out? I was driving myself crazy thinking about it and the rest of the time I was cooking with Bella. I hardly spoke to her at all, the only conversation between us in days was her telling me what to do and me asking when I fucked it up. Her and Alice seemed to be getting along really well but when she wasn't laughing with Alice about something she was quiet, subdued. It was like she was two different people sometimes. We were both going back to school the next day and Bella had me as prepared as I ever would be for our project. I wasn't sure if I would have to cook tomorrow or if we would even get excused. Maybe it would be postponed for a couple of weeks, either way I knew my shit and I actually felt good being prepared.

Bella Pov

I woke up early the next day. Edward was breathing heavily in his sleep, he looked so peaceful and I didn't want to disturb him. I saw the Romeo and Juliet book we studied last year for English on his shelf and decided to borrow it. I made my way outside and just lay down on the grass enjoying the light sunshine in the sky. It was rare to have sun in Forks and I thought I'd make the most of it. I lay reading for what felt like five minutes but it must have been hours. I started making my way back inside to get dressed. I was too engrossed in my reading I almost walked straight into Edward coming out of his room. Our room. It was hard to wrap my head around that. I had asked Esme a few days earlier if she could get the ingredients we needed for out project so we could start preparing before we went back to school. Of course she agreed and stocked the cupboards with everything we needed. I asked Edward if we could practice and his response was very short. It seemed as though he had changed. Last night he was so sweet and kind and different to the person I thought he was. I had given myself to him, my whole self, not just my body but my heart as well and now it was as if he had completely forgotten what had happened between us. Hadn't he felt what I felt he had said he loved me too. Surly that meant something. “Like we could work on it just now?” I prompted him. I thought he was maybe distracted by something and that's why he was being different but his response told me otherwise. “Put some clothes on first, you look indecent.” Of course that's why he was acting different. Last night he was being nice because of what had happened. Now he didn't need to pretend, I wasn't good enough for him. I wasn't experienced enough. My body wasn't what he wanted, wasn't nice enough. I felt the tears on my face before I even registered I was crying. I felt like my heart was being ripped in two. As if I'd just lost a part of my soul. I wiped at my face furiously with the back of my hand. No Bella. I wasn't going to be one of those girls, I wasn't going to cry over Edward Cullen. I'd been through too much already to let this get me down. I put my own clothes on, suddenly not wanting to tarnish Alice's clothes with my impurities. I felt cheap and nasty and it only fitted that I looked the part too. I could tell Edward was shocked at my appearance when he saw me. It was who I was. Removing me from Charlie's house and putting me here didn't make a difference to the person I was. The person I am. It's a different house, a different life, but I've not changed. I told Edward what to do and pretty much bossed him around apart from that I never uttered a word. If he wanted it to be this way then this was the way it would be. Later on that night I was getting tired. I had spent time with Alice watching T.V in the family room and I was beat. I told her I was going to bed and made my way upstairs. I went into the bathroom to change into my night clothes and made my way into Edwards room. Edward looked surprised to see me which was odd given that we shared a room. “What do you want?” He spat at me. I stuttered trying to reply, wasn't it obvious what I wanted? I told him I wanted to go to bed and started making my way over to the couch assuming he wanted his bed back. He explained about Kaycee and that I was back sharing a room with Alice and I left blushing furiously. When I got into Alice's room she was already there. “Alice can I ask you something?” I started. I had grown really fond of Alice from my time staying here and she had became like a friend to me. “Of course, you can ask anything.” She replied. “Alice, why is Edward, you know, the way he erm is?” “You mean a jackass?” She laughed. “Well, yeah?” “That's just Edward, Bella, he only cares about himself and nothing and no one else is important.” “I don't think he means it. I think deep down he does care, he just doesn't know how.” Alice looked at me for a moment like she was contemplating something. “Bella, you like him don't you?” The blush rising up on my face told her all she needed to know but I answered anyway. “Alice, I think, no I know I'm in love.” Alice looked shocked. I suppose I couldn't blame her. I would be shocked too if the roles were reversed. “You love him? Well why don't you do something about it? I mean I honestly don't see what you see but if you do feel that way then go for it.” She made it seem so simple but it wasn't simple it was the hardest situation I had ever been in. “Yes, I do. What can I do Alice? He doesn't want to be with someone like me and I don't want to change just to get him.” Alice nodded in understanding and we decided to call it a night. Over the next few days I practised cooking constantly and when I wasn't cooking I was doing things with Alice. She liked making me up and I didn't mind letting her as long as she didn't go too overboard. I kept my conversations with Edward as minimal as possible, in fact the only words we shared was me telling him what to do and him swearing every time he did something wrong. Apart from that I stayed completely out of his way. It was killing me inside but I had to. Trying to be something to someone who doesn't want you I did for long enough, and I wasn't going back down that road again. I finally had a future that could be mine I didn't want to waste it. I tried to avoid him as much as possible but living in the same house as him it was nearly impossible. I closed my eyes listening to Alice snore gently beside me. I couldn't believe we had to go back to school tomorrow. I was nervous and anxious and scared and worried and a million more emotions mixed in. I didn't want to go. I knew how people were and I didn't want to be the subject of gossip. I didn't like the attention, I'd much rather stay as far out the spotlight as possible. Who knows maybe nobody will have noticed me gone, maybe it wont be such a big deal. That was the only hope I had to cling on to as I let myself drift off to sleep.

Chapter Twenty Two

Hot Chocolate

Bella Pov

"I..we.." I trailed off. I didn't know what to say. I couldn't think let alone process words. My mind was full of jumble. I had given myself to Edward. I had given myself to him willingly. I had even instigated what had happened. I had told him I loved him. He had said it back though. Surely that was a joke? A trick?

He said it after he made love to you.

It was then it dawned on me. Edward had made love to me. It was gentle and careful and nice. I didn't feel that dirty cheap nasty way I had felt when it was James. It wasn't just sex, was it? I had little experience in that department, I honestly didn't know. How could I trust the boy who had made my life a misery?

He saved your life.

I didn't know what to do. What to say. Edward looked as though he was trying to form the right words in his head. I couldn't even make my brain comprehend what had happened. I lightly pinched my arm expecting to wake up. This couldn't be real, could it?

Ouch!

It wasn't just the pinch that had hurt though I was sure it would leave a bruise. I bruised very easily, I liked to blame it on the pale skin, but I wasn't sure of the reason. I felt my ribs tightening as though I had just been kicked.

Edward was silent though I could tell he had seen the expression of pain written all over my face. I never was good at hiding my feelings. I was an open book, my thoughts seemed to always be displayed on my face. It gave a new meaning to the expression 'wearing your heart on your sleeve.' I winced as I felt another shoot of pain.

I wasn't sure of the time, but it was starting to get dark. I wanted to leave but I couldn't seem to form the words. Luckily Edward decided to wake up a little. He helped me into my clothes as the rain graced us with its presence.

Typical.

In a way it was fitting. After all, didn't something or someone always rain on my parade? I wasn't sure what to make of what had happened after my brain began to realize I was indeed awake.

"Are you ok?" Edward sounded worried. I nodded slowly as the pain seemed to have subsided a little. It was still sore but more of a dull pain compared to the shooting pain I had experienced a moment ago. He didn't look convinced but he gave me a half hearted smile and carefully picked me up, once he had dressed, and he carried me back to his car. He tilted the passenger seat back slightly allowing me to lie back. I was grateful, but a little of unsure of what to make of recent events. I wondered what it meant as he drove in silence back to his house.

Edward Pov

"I..we.." Bella had started. It was more than I could think let alone speak. I had moaned and moaned about how little she had spoke over the last few days and here I was unable to find my own words. What do you say to the girl you had tortured countless amount of times after you make love to her?

Make love?

I had made love to her. I had never made love to any girl. It wasn't my style, I liked to fuck girls not get caught up in emotions and pointless shit like that. I had even told her I loved her. I didn't think about it, the words were out before I could stop them. I couldn't fucking take them back now, I didn't know what to say at all. I racked my brain to come up with anything, anything at all.

Bella was silent, she looked lost in her own thoughts. I wondered what she was thinking, feeling. I looked into her eyes to see them full of pain, I wasn't sure if I had hurt her, or if she was regretting what had happened, or if it was her injuries. I couldn't form the words to ask.

The darkness had seemed to fade in slowly and I wondered the time. I looked at Bella, still wearing the same pained expression. My instincts kicked in as I gathered her clothes and helped her put them on. The rain had started as I was half way through, soaking my naked body. Bella didn't seem to notice, looking too lost in her own thoughts.

"Are you ok?" I asked her as my brain finally began functioning. She nodded slowly but her expression never changed. I tried to smile at her, re-assurance and shit, but I couldn't quite manage.

I carried her to the car, being careful not to hurt her. I re-adjusted the seat to make her more comfortable. I couldn't help wonder why as I never adjusted my Volvo for anyone. My Volvo was the most important thing to me. The look of gratitude on her face was enough to stop the wondering.

Maybe I do love her?

It came out as a question in my own mind. Why had I said it then? Why did things have to be so fucking complicated. I thought about what was going to happen now as I drove in silence to the house.

"Where have you been?" The instigation started as we walked through the front door.

"Oh you poor dears, you're soaked right through." My mother pitched in leading us into the 'family room.' She wrapped blankets around us and announced she was going to make us some hot chocolate. My father stood waiting on an explanation as we were fussed over.

"It was my-my fault." Bella stuttered out looking sheepish. The blush had appeared on her face as she looked down at her feet.

"I-I-I asked Edward if we could go out, I needed some fresh air, I persuaded him to take us away from the house, we didn't realize it was getting late and then the rain came on and we hurried back to the car."

I knew from experience that she was a terrible liar, but she managed to sound so convincing I almost believed her myself.

Carlisle looked at her sympathetically nodding in understanding. I couldn't fucking believe it. If I had said that I had wanted some fresh air and she had accompanied me it would be a big fucking deal! I was fucking sick of getting the blame of all the shit that went on inside closed doors. I was the big bad ass, even Emmett who had fucked up enough to plant a bun in Fucking Rosalie Hale's oven had been treated with some consideration. I was the fuck up. I stormed away to my room without a glance back.

Fuck the hot chocolate. Fuck everything.

I wanted to scream. I wanted to punch something. I wanted to do anything to relieve myself of the anger bubbling inside of me. I heard a timid knock on the door as I kicked my shoes at the wall.

"It's your fucking room as well!" I snapped as Bella entered. She handed me my hot chocolate carefully obviously trying not to spill it. I couldn't help feeling bad. It wasn't her fault. She had just stuck up for me. She had given herself to me. I couldn't be a dick.

"I'm sorry." I practically whispered the words as she was retreating back out the door. She paused at the door way turning to look at me with they brown eyes. She stood for what felt like ages until I patted the bed next to me. She reluctantly joined me sitting her own mug on the beside table. I flashed my trademark smile at her. I had no ulterior motive other than to show her that I was sorry. She smiled back laying her head on my chest.

I went over the events of earlier in my head. I replayed the scene over and over again. There was no doubt about it she was beautiful. So fucking sexy. Nothing could have prepared me for her perfectly proportioned tits. They were perky and perfect. She was wonderful. I didn't understand how I hadn't seen it before, but I only saw what I wanted. I lived in my own world. I was arrogant and cocky. I never let anyone in.

Alice had tried to reach me, but it was pointless, no one could reach me any more. I had put up a shield long ago and the barriers were so strong I doubted I could break out never mind anyone break in. I watched as Bella took a sip of her hot chocolate, she looked content enough, but I could see the worry buried underneath.

"What's wrong?" I asked her.

"Nothing." She smiled whilst tickling my sides.

"Ow, ow, ow!" She squealed holding her side. Had she not been laughing through the tears I might have been worried. It was nice to see her laugh. I flashed her my trademark smile and watched as her lovely blush appeared on her cheeks.

Lovely? Really Edward get a grip!

"Oh so it's like that is it?" I said. I picked her up gently, making sure she had sat her hot chocolate down first. She was giggling before I had even moved. I placed her gently in the middle of the bed securing her there with my legs and pinning her hands gently with mine. She looked up at me all signs of humour removed from her face. I smiled at her as I leaned down closer. Just as my lips were about to reach hers I let my hand slip down to her knee tickling her gently. She giggled loudly into my mouth playfully slapping me with the hand I had let go. I laughed with her rolling onto the bed beside her. We must have lay there for at least five minutes, but it felt like hours. We never said a word to each other just lay in comfortable silence. I could tell she was smiling without even looking at her. It was weird to me how connected I felt to her, I could tell what she was feeling what she was doing without looking at her or asking her. What was wrong with me? Who was this person I was slowly becoming?

I felt Bella move beside me. I could hear her drinking her hot chocolate and I could practically feel her discomfort rolling off her in waves. It amazed me how little confidence she had in herself. I sat up and tried to smile at her, she looked so vulnerable.

I promise you Bella, I'll fix things. I'll make things right again if it's the last thing I do.

I smiled at her once more. "Let's go to bed."

Chapter Twenty One

Where Do We Go From Here

Bella Pov

I felt as though I was suffocating. I felt like my air supply had been cut off. I was being slowly dragged into the darkness. There was nothing in front of me but a black hole. An abyss I was being sucked into. There was nothing.
I didn't know who I was. I didn't care. Nothing mattered anymore. I had no one. I had nothing. I longed for my mother. I would give anything to see her smile, her face, to hear her reassuring words. She always knew the right things to say. She was erratic but she was wise. She had so much life in her, so much life that was taken away. It wasn't fair. Why was I here and she wasn't? That wasn't how it was supposed to be.
I looked at Edward. I envied him. He had everything. He had a family, a real family. They may have squabbles and differences but that was a family to me, a real family. Real families weren't perfect, they had lots of imperfections but they worked them out and understood. They may have fights but at the worst times they were a unit, they stuck together. I had never had that, not with Charlie. I didn't want sympathy or charity; I had too much sympathy for myself.
I didn't want to speak to anyone. I was grateful that they had saved my life. I was scared though scared of the future of what was to come. I was scared of everything and I was scared of nothing. I was confused. I felt as though my vision was blurry. I couldn't see clear, everything seemed so far away, so out of reach. It was as though I was dead. It was as though I was trapped. I had felt trapped with Charlie. He had ruled my life. He had owned me. I was his possession, his slave. I was free now, but I had nowhere to go.
I had always dreamed of being free of Charlie, of having a life of my own. I had never once thought about what I would do when I was free. I hadn't thought about where I would go. I had no other family. I had nowhere to live, nowhere to go. I was alone. I had always felt alone. Lost. Now I was. My little piece of heaven had turned dark. My future suddenly seemed empty, seemed pointless. Why did Edward save me? If he would have let me die, I could have been with my mother right now, I could be somewhere I was wanted, somewhere I was loved. I knew my thinking was irrational. I knew I was glad to be alive. I wanted to experience so much in life, and I was going to start as soon as I could. I couldn't help the thoughts that would come though, the thoughts of longing. I longed for acceptance. I longed for love. There was only one person that had ever given me any sort of affection. The person that was gone. Like the baby that was once in my stomach, she was lost. She was a lost soul, but she was free. I was forever trapped in a world that didn't want me.
Edward had stayed nearby babysitting me. I knew what doctor Carlisle thought. He knew about the depression eating away inside of me. That was the reason Edward watched my every move. I wasn't sure if Edward was aware why he was doing it, but he did it. He asked me the same inane questions every day, questions about food, questions that held no importance. I hummed in response, he would make me the food whether I gave him a full answer or not. I felt guilty acting so cold towards the person that had saved my life. It was a duty though. It wasn't because he actually cared. Why would he? I was a plain girl with no prospects. I was nothing, no one. I didn't deserve the hospitality, I didn't deserve anything.
I heard him mutter something about collecting the rest of my stuff. This confused me. Where would we be collecting my things from? I had no things except for the few things I had in Charlie's home. I had some clothes and a few personal possessions that I had took when my mother had died. Surely he didn't mean to take the things from there? I didn't have anywhere to put them to take them too. I hadn't expected him to say that. It had been a few days, I was healing but I was still a little sore sometimes. I didn't think I would have to leave now. I didn't think they would make me leave straight away. I had nowhere to go. I asked him what he meant playing dumb. I was scared of the answer. I didn't have a reason to be. He said the last thing I expected. He had said I was to stay. To live here. I ran the words around my head trying to make sense of them. How could that be? Surely they didn't want me to stay? Why would they want me to stay?
I couldn't tell if he meant it from his face. He never seemed to show any emotions. I looked into his eyes and asked him straight out if I could stay. I wrapped my arms around him as he asked me where else I would go. It was as if he had read my mind. I was so grateful. I was a part of a family, a real family.
That was when Edward took me to the meadow. The most beautiful place I had ever been. It was covered in the most beautiful flowers. I had never seen anywhere like it, I had never been anywhere like it. I don't know what made me kiss Edward that day. It could have been the gratitude I felt to him for saving my life and for inviting me to live at his house. It could have been in tune with my new plan to experience as much as possible as soon as I could. If I had to guess the exact reason though I would chalk it up to my new found realization. The fact that I loved him. I hated that I did, he wasn't the type of person I wanted to give my heart too, but I had.
I guess you can't help who you love.
I knew it would be wise to stop. I could feel his hard on rub against me. I could hear the change in my breathing as it started to get heavier. I gripped his hair tightly as I pushed myself against him. I felt a desire I had never felt. I could hear noises coming from me that I had never made. I could hear him groan in my mouth. I welcomed the feelings. I took the bulge he had in my hand. I rubbed it gently on the outside of his jeans. I could still picture how big it was from the day he had dropped his towel. I could picture the thickness and it scared me. I didn't have much time to think about it as he started massaging my breasts. The feeling was electrifying. It was as though there were a thousand volts of electricity going through my body. I felt a connection I had never felt. I wondered if he felt the same. I felt him unclip my bra with ease. I lifted my hands up allowing him to relieve me of the top I wore. My bra straps slipped down my arms as I was exposed in front of him. I heard him gasp as he removed his mouth from mine, but I kept my eyes closed. I felt his fingers graze over my nipples and I jumped slightly at the sensation. I was still fondling his bulge; it was growing harder under my touch. I could feel wetness seeping from my lower body. I opened my eyes seeing my desire I felt mirrored in the god before me's eyes. I unbuttoned the first button of his jeans easily keeping eye contact with him as I did. I could feel his hands moving over my nipples as he moved from beneath me. He laid me on the grass with ease kissing my lips once more. His lips moved down my neck sending shivers down my spine. I had Goosebumps all over my body. I closed my eyes as his lips made their way to my breasts, his tongue kissing, licking, sucking, nibbling at my nipples. I moaned. His mouth made its way down my tummy, his tongue dipping inside my navel making my hips move. He licked along the waistband of the jogging bottoms I wore as my fingers found their way to his hair, untangling the gorgeous bronze. He looked into my eyes as he tugged at my bottoms. I lifted my ass slightly allowing him to take them down. He took them down slowly kissing the inside of my thigh as he did. I was conscious of the fact that all I wore was my panties. I felt insecure and unworthy. The look Edward was giving me was full of desire, full of appreciation. I closed my eyes as I felt his fingers touch what little bit of fabric I had covering me. I could feel the wetness multiplying at his touch. He grazed a finger over my clit making my hips buck. I was whimpering but I couldn't stop. The feeling was intense. I moaned as his fingers made circular motions. My legs opened for him. He planted a kiss on the fabric before gently pulling it down my legs. I lay there completely exposed. Edward's eyes taking in my naked form. He took in a deep breath as my cheeks began to redden. I felt as though I had been lying there for hours, his eyes studying me. He slipped a finger inside me making me gasp. His other hand was roaming around my body but his eyes were on mine.
"I want you." I whispered. My voice was thick with lust.
I heard him groan at my words. He slipped his jeans down his legs, followed by his boxers. His erection was huge.
"Will you hurt me?" I asked. He shook his head as his fingers went back to my lower body. I moaned softly as his fingers entered me.
"You're so wet, so tight."
I felt him press up against my entrance as he slowly entered me. I cried out as he filled me up. I wrapped my legs tightly around his back as he moved himself in and out of me. I had never felt so good in my life. I was squirming under his body. I no longer had control as the noises escaped my lips. I heard him groan over and over. His fingers made their way to my clitoris again making me cry out louder and louder till I felt my whole body tense up. I felt as though I was going to explode as my body shook, my hips moving along with Edwards. I screamed out in orgasm before Edward pulled out of me.
"I love you." I whispered getting caught up in the moment. The last thing I expected was what happened next.
"I love you too."

Chapter Twenty

Peace

Edward Pov

I lay on the floor holding Bella waiting for the ambulance. Bella was unconscious and I wasn't sure if she was breathing or not. There was a pool of blood surrounding her. I was shitting myself.

Is she dead? What if she doesn't wake up?

I felt like shit. My eyes were shutting and I was struggling to keep them open. Charlie had managed to get a few blows into my ribs and the pain was excruciating. I couldn't see Charlie from where I lay; I didn't know how long I had lain there. I felt dizzy. I was trying to feel Bella's pulse but I couldn't reach and it was too painful to move. I couldn't hear any noises to imply the ambulance was near, but I called my father.

It should be here by now, what's taking so long?

I knew I could be an asshole, but dad wouldn't not send an ambulance, would he? I reached for my phone. I could feel the pain coming from my ribs as I struggled to get it out of my pocket. I punched my dad's number into the phone but it just rang and rang. I was starting to freak out. Bella hadn't moved. I could still hear the scream she let out. I knew she was in pain but I wasn't sure of the extent of the damage. I wanted to kill Charlie. If he hadn't gotten a dig to my ribs I would've. I might have, I hadn't heard any sounds coming from him, or saw any movement.

Bella Pov

I could hear beeping noises and hear voices. The voices weren't making sense to my ears. I didn't know where I was. Was I dead? I thought about my life so far, I had so much I wanted to do. So much I never would get to do. I wanted to grow up. I wanted to someday have a family. I wanted so much, but it was too late for me now. I would never get to experience things that normal teenagers experienced. I wondered if anyone would miss me, if they would care, but I knew they wouldn't, no one would. I doubted anyone would realize I was gone.

Edward!

Edward had come. Did he care? Was he hurt? Was he dead too? The beeping noises were getting louder as I pondered the well being of Edward. The voices in my head were getting clearer but I still couldn't make them out.

"She's awake." It was Carlisle.

I tried to open my eyes, but they felt heavy. I felt pain shooting through my body and I bit on my lip to stop myself from screaming.

I'm alive.

"Bella," I felt relief wash over me as I heard Edwards voice, it was strained slightly but it was his voice. "If you can hear me squeeze my hand." I squeezed his hand with as much strength as I could muster. "Bella, you've had stitches to your head, you've got 2 cracked ribs and Bella, you were, you were pregnant Bella, you weren't far along, but you lost the baby. You're going to be ok, we don't know where Charlie is, he disappeared; but we will find him. I promise." I squeezed Edwards hand as tight as I could. I was pregnant? I had lost the baby? It was as if it was a set of keys, or my mobile, I had lost it. Lost it. It was gone. I didn't even know if it was a boy or a girl, it was simply just an 'it'. I had always dreamed of one day having a child of my own. I just didn't expect to get pregnant as a product of rape. I didn't expect to lose the baby. I had so many emotions running through me. I didn't know what to feel. Should I feel angry that he got me pregnant? Should I feel despair at the thought of losing my child? Should I feel relief that I don't have to bring up his child? Should I feel guilty for thinking I should be relieved at the thought of losing my child? The truth was I didn't know what to feel. I wanted to curl up and die but I wanted to live. I was so confused.

Edward Pov

I had a bandage wrapped around my cracked rib but I was more worried about Bella. We had taken her home from the hospital figuring she would feel better that way. Dad was here anyway if she needed medical attention. Dad had said that she had spent most of her life being in and out the hospital so he thought she would prefer to stay at ours. I disagreed thinking the hospital would be more familiar to her but I didn't voice my opinion.

The days went past and Bella just lay in my bed, she didn't want to move, she didn't try. She let Alice help her to the toilet and help her wash, sometimes Kaycee would help and sometimes she would let my mum but that was the only time she moved. She didn't utter a word, she was like a zombie.

I didn't know what the fuck I was supposed to say, what I was supposed to do. Mum let her be, but I could tell dad was really worried. It was as if she was fading away in front of me, she wouldn't eat, she hardly slept, she didn't speak. It was scaring the shit out of me. She was just there.

We were both staying off school for the time being. She wasn't able to go to school and even though I was I stayed off to look after her, not that she let me.

"How about I make you some toast?" I asked her.

"Hmm." Was the reply. That was the only reply I got these days. I wished I could snap her out of it, say something to break her out of it. She was lifeless. Existing, but not living. If I would've had to hazard a guess I would've guessed that that was the way her whole life up to now had been. An existence, not a life. I felt sorry for her. It was just shit.

How profound Edward.

It was true though. Life was shit, life is shit. Mum liked to be all philosophical and shit and would say things like 'life is what you make of it' but that was bullshit. You were either lucky in life or you fucking weren't, simple. Bella it seemed was unlucky. She was troubled. I had always deemed myself in that category. I didn't appreciate how good I had shit. I had security, a roof over my head, food, and money. I had whatever I wanted and Bella had nothing.

I wondered about the stories going around school. I hadn't really spoken to anyone since that day. Mike had knocked on the door that night. I had taken great pleasure in telling him Bella couldn't make their date. I did feel kind of bad for the guy but it wasn't my problem. He had seen the bandages as I wasn't wearing a top when I answered the door but he didn't ask. He knew better than to ask. He made a small fuss but when he realised he wasn't going to see her he left. I watched him retreat down the driveway towards his car. I watched till he was gone. I told Bella about it that night, but she didn't seem to notice. She didn't seem to notice anything. I wanted to console her, to tell her everything was going to be ok, but I didn't know if it was or not.

That's it! She thinks once the projects over she'll no longer be welcome here, she won't have a home.

I didn't know how to tell her without letting her know I knew what she was thinking. I didn't know if it was what she was thinking, it was just my theory.

"Bella, were going to have to go pick up the rest of your stuff soon?" I made it out like a question rather than telling her what to do. I wasn't good in these types of situations. Alice had been giving me a hard time since what happened but that was Alice, I wished that she was here now she would know exactly what to say.

"What?" It was the most she had spoken in days. I took her hands and looked into her eyes as I told her, "Bella, you'll be living here now, with us. This is your home now."

She looked confused as if I had just told her some fucking complicated shit. She looked so lost I didn't know what to say, or if I had said the right thing.

"Oh Edward." She wrapped her tiny arms around my neck. It wasn't an easy fucking task given the injuries. "I can stay? I can really stay?" She asked, I could hear the shyness in her voice. I could hear the fear of rejection. I smiled at her in a sign of reassurance or whatever. "Where the fuck did you think you were going to stay?" I asked her. She just shrugged her shoulders which looked like a fucking sore thing to do. I gave her another cuddle, which was something I just didn't do, but I could be fucking sensitive, she deserved a bit of sensitivity after what she had been through.

"I never told you how thankful I am to you for coming to my rescue; I wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for you." I was gobsmacked; I hadn't seen it that way. I didn't think of myself as a hero, I couldn't have left her to die. No one would have let her die. I just got there first.

"Bella, anyone would have done the same, I'm no hero." I didn't want her to treat me any differently just because of what I had done.

"No one would have done that for me. I'm no one." I looked at her face as she said they words. She was right; no one would have done that for her because no one knew. No one knew the real her or what she had been through.

"Come on!" I told her. She looked at me as though I had grown two heads. Maybe I had. I helped her up and half carried her down the stairs. She didn't look as if she was in pain so I continued leading her out to my car and helping her in.

It took me five minutes to get where I was taking her. I stopped the car and looked at her face, she was utterly confused but she didn't question me, she followed me blindly, it was obvious that she trusted me, and I was actually quite grateful. I didn't know who I was anymore. I had brought her to the place Alice and I had come to when we were kids. When it was her and I against the world. When nothing else had mattered. I got out the car and opened the passenger side for her. I led her out behind the trees to the meadow. It was exactly as I remembered. There were wild flowers everywhere. Pink, purple, blue, orange, there was every colour. It resembled a water colour portrait. It was simple and beautiful. It was just like Bella. She looked out in awe as I let go of her hand. She kicked off the shoes I had helped her slip her feet into and walked about feeling the grass on her toes. I smiled. The meadow was calming, it was like therapeutic or some shit like that. I could see it had that same effect on Bella. It was only Alice and I that knew about this place. It was only us that had ever been here. I don't know why I was sharing it with Bella, but I was. I helped her sit down and watched as she looked around in wonder. Her brown eyes were glowing in the sun. I took my top off and lay down beside where she sat. My ribs were sore and the grass seemed to erase the pain. I felt Bella's hand run along my bandage; she was being gentle and careful. I could feel her eyes on my body and I wondered if she liked what she saw. One look at her face told me she did. It was as though she was mesmerized. She lay down beside me with a little help and I took her hand. I could have lay there for hours without a worry or a care. I picked a pink flower and placed it delicately in her brown waves. She laughed and did the same to me with a blue flower. I expected it just to fall but it settled itself on my bronze mess. I laughed. It was nice to be carefree, to have no worries. To just be. It was peaceful. She laid her head on my chest tracing the muscles on my arm with her fingers. I closed my eyes and let the feeling overtake me. I could feel her gentle touch and it was fucking sensual. I didn't know what was happening. I didn't know what time it was. Nothing mattered. I ran my fingers through her hair, playing with it in my fingers. She tilted her head up to look at me and I opened my eyes. I stared into her eyes trying to read the emotion on her face; it was registering an emotion I didn't know. I wanted to know what she was thinking. I wanted to know what she feeling. I watched her face get closer as she pressed her lips against mine. I went with it kissing her back. I gently licked her bottom lip silently asking for entry. I felt her lips part and I massaged her tongue with mine deepening the kiss. Her fingers had move to my chest, drawing patterns. I did the same to her back and I heard a small moan. This made me groan as my dick started hardening. It had been a while since I had gotten my dick wet and I longed for it. I felt her body pressing closer against me. I knew she wasn't in as much pain, but she was still sore and I didn't want to hurt her. I went to pull back to ask if she was ok but she didn't let me, she deepened the kiss even more. I held her closer to me and I heard her moan. I wondered briefly if I had hurt her before I realized where my dick was positioned. I had rubbed up against her sweet little pussy and she had liked it. I moved my hips grazing the same spot and she moaned again. Her breathing was getting heavier. I could feel her legs shaking slightly. She was turned on almost as much as me.

We had to stop. I knew we had to stop. It was wrong.

How? How is it wrong?

I couldn't do this, we couldn't do this, could we?

Chapter Nineteen

The Storm

Bella Pov

That morning when I woke up everything was normal. Little did I know that everything was about to change. Everything was about to fall apart and there was nothing I could do. There was no sign. There was no warning. The storm had came and the sun had disappeared.

I had went to school that morning with Edward as I usually did. Mike had been making eyes at me all morning. I had wanted to tell him I wasn't feeling well, any excuse to get out of tonight. I didn't know at that point that I had an excuse, just one that I didn't want. It was in English when it happened.

"Could Isabella Swan please report to the main office please!"

I had never been called to the main office before. I froze in my seat. The teacher excused me and I made my way to the office. I took my bag with me as instructed as the class was almost over. I felt everyone stare at me as I left the room. I could feel Tanya's glares all the way out the room, I knew she was upset because I was living at Edwards house and she had never been asked to stay there despite the amount of times she had been with him.

I stepped into the main office unsure of what I was supposed to do. I didn't have to wait long for standing there right in front of me was none other than my father. I felt numb. I was froze on the spot. I wasn't sure how I was still standing, my knees felt weak. I could hear people talking but the words weren't making sense. Nothing was making sense.

"Bella sweety, There's been an accident, you have to come home just now."

Sweety?

My father had never once called anything endearing in my life, not that I could remember anyway. He took my arm and led me back to my life of misery.

Carlisle Pov

I was starting to get tired. I had drank three cups of coffee already and it was still before noon. I had been really stressed lately, there had been so many accidents happen and it appeared that another one just had. I really couldn't be bothered any more I wanted to go home to my wife. I hadn't had one day off lately. I had been working constantly which didn't used to bother me but I was so stressed out with the way the current situation was.

I made my way to the lift down to see my new patient. As far as I knew he was a 47 year old man that had a concussion, three broken ribs and a broken knee cap. I knew it had to be something tied to organised crime or something. I wasn't exactly sure how things like that worked, but I knew enough to know that this was no accident.

I made my way into the room and looked at the chart at the bottom of the mans bed. The man looked quite familiar but I couldn't place him. I looked at the name on the chart it read James Swan.

James Swan.

I liked to think I wasn't a stupid man, and that I had grew wise over the years. I took this to mean that Isabella's father had returned. I was out of time. I didn't have a plan of action, I wasn't ready for this. I was going to have to 'wing' it, it was something I had never had to do over the years. I took time to assess every situation, to get facts, to work every move out. I couldn't jump into things without thinking it through, without weighing up the pros and cons. It was something Edward continuously failed at. Edward jumped into every situation consequences be damned, that was the way my son was. Alice was a little more level headed but a lot more eccentric and tended to avoid any type of bad situation in the first place. Emmett, Emmett tended to think about things logically and wind up in the stickiest situations anyway.

I wondered if Charlie had already gotten to Isabella, if he had already taken her home, if he had beaten her. If he had just left her alone not wanting to know anymore as she had somewhere else to go. I knew that he had done this to his brother. That was obvious, so he was definitely home from his trip.

I picked up the phone and dialled Edwards number, I knew it was lunch time so he would be able to answer his phone.

Edward Pov

I made my way to the cafeteria looking around for Bella. I had been buying her lunch lately as I knew she had no money to purchase her own and she was so skinny I was surprised she wasn't fadingaway. I was sure I would see her at my next class, we had home economics after lunch and Bella never missed any of her classes. I was dreading the class, we hadn't being doing much practising at all and we were due to cook the shit in two weeks. I just couldn't be fucked it seemed a waste of time to me.

My phone started vibrating in my pocket, nobody tended to call me at school. Alice had called me once but most people that call me were with me. I looked at the i.d telling me that it was dad. Dad never tended to call me unless it was important.

I answered the call trying to gauge how he sounded. I hadn't done anything bad lately that I knew of, hadn't pissed anybody off in a while. He sounded so unlike my father, the calmness was there but I could hear the worry and tiredness behind it. Dad had been working extra shifts at the hospital, there were so many accidents happening and he was tired all the time. I felt kinda bad for him, I mean it wasn't my fucking fault or anything and I didn't feel guilty, but it just didn't seem right for him to have to work so much. All he seemed to want to talk about was Bella and I told him about her name getting called over the tannoy, I wondered if maybe she had done something bad.

Don't be fuckingdaft, she's innocent and pure, she wouldn't do that. Fucking virgin.

It wasn't till i thought the last words that I realized they weren't true. I immediately felt bad, that shit was nasty and I liked to think I wasn't all that bad.

He explained about James being in hospital and her father possibly being back. The minute I heard his theory I knew he was right. I just wasn't sure what to do about it. Dad told me not to act on it, but I couldn't help it, I had to do something I couldn't just leave her to get abused.

Could I?

Bella Pov

I got into the police cruiser without a fuss. I didn't want to make a scene as that would've just made things worse. I expected him to lash out as soon as he was in the car but I suppose that wasn't his style. Charlie had always liked to lull me in to a false sense of security before the beating began. He liked to make me sweat. Make me feel the fear. I was feeling it. I was terrified. I felt as though I would be shaking if I could. I was numb. He pulled the car up to this. I wondered if James was still there or if he had left. I wondered if Charlie even knew what had happened with James and why I was with the Cullen's. I wondered if he even knew I had been with the Cullen's.

The look on his face was telling me he knew. He looked angry behind the calm mask he was showing. I had learned to read Charlie over the years. I could see behind the front he put up for everyone else. I could read the emotions floating under the mask. He was pissed! It didn't look like it was going to be a good night for me. I wanted Edward, he made me feel so safe, so comfortable, so secure. It was something I hadn't felt since my mum was alive. I welcomed the feelings, they made me feel whole. I had had a hole in my chest since my mum died and that hadn't healed, it would never heal. It had slowly started to get better when I was with the Cullen's. I started to feel like part of a real family, but now, now everything was back to normal. I was back in hell and there was nothing anybody could do about. Nothing anyone could do to help.

I got out of the car slowly. I was anxious, I was nauseous and I didn't know how my legs were keeping me up I could hardly feel them. I opened up the door and entered the house. I felt like I hadn't been here in years. I appreciated what the Cullen's had done for me, even Edward. I now fully understood the meaning of the phrase "you don't know what you've got till it's gone." I didn't fully appreciate what the Cullen's had done for me till now, till it was too late, till the happiness was gone. I heard the door click shut behind me, I was locked in and I had nowhere to go. I knew I didn't have the strength to run even if I wanted to, I would only trip over my own feet if I did anyways. I contemplated screaming but no one had heard me before and no one would come. I was completely alone and there was no one there to save me.

I turned to face him, I wanted to act strong. Inside I was a mess, a wreck. I looked into the eyes of the man that haunted me. I saw nothing. They were empty. His eyes were cold and hard and unfeeling. It made me feel even more nauseous, and more uneasy than ever. He didn't speak a word, nor did I. I didn't know what to say even if I could have spoke. I felt too numb to even think. He just stood there, staring. It was making me nervous. I was invisible to Charlie unless I was getting a beating. I wished he would just hit me, the staring was just making me feel worse.

"James, he raped you." It was a statement, not a question but I nodded anyway. I nodded slowly looking for any signs of Irritation. His face was blank as though he was lost in thought. It made me think about that night, I felt as if I was reliving it, I felt the same fear.

"My own brother touched my property without my permission." Again it was a statement, not a question but this time I didn't nod. I didn't have to.

His property? his possession ? Of course, that's all I am, all I ever would be.

I wasn't his daughter, I was someone who lived under his roof, someone for him to kick around and collect benefits for. I could feel tears prick at my eyes but I wasn't going to cry, I wouldn't give him the satisfaction. He didn't deserve it. I felt a sharp pain at my jaw and my legs finally stopped holding me up. I closed my eyes tightly and I kept them that way. I felt a boot at my ribs. I felt it over and over and over again. I kept my eyes shut. I knew now that it started this time it wasn't going to stop. This was the end and I welcomed it with open arms.

I'm coming mum, I'm finally coming, we'll be together again.

I could feel the blood running down my face as his steel toe-capped boot collided with my head. I didn't scream, I didn't utter a word. I lay and I took it. I felt dizzy and I felt sick. My head was spinning. Charlie had kicked every inch of me and I was scared of what was coming next. I knew today would be the day that I died. I kept my eyes shut still as I felt him grab my hair. I was being dragged but where I did not know, I didn't care.

I heard a loud bang, but I felt no pain. Was I dead? I heard more loud bangs but I kept my eyes shut. It was then I heard it, him. He was here. I wasn't sure why, I wasn't sure if I was imagining the voice, but I listened. I couldn't make out the words he said, I couldn't make out anything at all. I tried to open my eyes but everything was blurry, I heard a final bang. I knew I was going to be unconscious soon and I wondered if I would ever wake up. If this was the end. The last thing I heard was a scream, a loud blood curling scream, it took me a while to realize where it had came from. It had came from me.

Chapter Eighteen

Denial

Edward Pov

I shushed Bella for about the fifth fucking time that night. We'd just finished dinner which she thankfully got through without bursting into tears.

"He-he-he loved her so-o-o much, he wrote her let-et-etters, and he died." Was all she kept saying every time the tears came.

"For fucks sake." I said, I was beginning to get agitated. That was the last time I put on a fucking chick flick.

"I know." Was all she said obviously misinterpreting my meaning.

Fucking women! Why do they need to be so fucking emotional! Does she know it's just a fucking film?

"It's just a film." I told her, just in case she didn't already grasp that.

"I know that, but don't you see, he cares about her so much that he leaves her letters for her to read when he's gone so she wont miss him as much. It makes it that little bit more bearable for her to say goodbye. After that year of letters she has to go on without him though, and all she wants to do is hold on to him. They argued and had fights, but in the end it didn't matter, it seemed pointless to her, and she hated that they had had arguments when she should've appreciated him so much more than what she did. It shows you that life's too short, and that grudges are insignificant in the end."

She burst into fresh tears on the last word. It was the most I had ever heard her speak. It didn't take a genius to work out that she wasn't crying over the film. She was crying because she didn't have anyone to miss her when she was gone, she had never experienced love, all she had in her life was hurt. It was that reason and that reason alone that I continued to hold her close to me and let her cry.

"Let it all out, it's ok, I'm here." I told her.

Stop being such a fucking pussy, comforting her, you should be banging her or leaving her to get soppy with Alice!

The minute I thought about banging Bella my dick began to stir.

Damn hormones. It's not her, it's because you've not had any.

I kept repeating that in my mind hoping Bella wouldn't notice the obvious bulge I could feel. I knew she felt it the moment I saw her face, I wouldn't be surprised if her cheeks burned me they were getting that hot.

I'm a teenage fucking boy, I'm allowed to get hard occasionally even if it is fucking inappropriate!

I defended myself in my head not daring to say it aloud. I suppose I couldn't blame her if she was surprised though, I had never noticed her like that. She seemed too snobby, too geeky. If I had actually paid attention at all I might have realized that she was suffering, that the reason she didn't speak to people and paid so much attention to her work was to avoid the pain she already felt. She didn't feel like she could talk to anyone, and I just made it worse for her. I did feel like a monster for what I had made her feel, but I knew what I made her feel was nothing compared to her own family.

Finally she settled down, I let her go to the bathroom first, being chivalrous and shit. When she came back I went and did my thing. When I came back in Bella was on my couch wrapped up in the covers. I laughed, I wasn't that much of a prick that I would make her sleep on my couch. I tip-toed over to the couch knowing she wouldn't hear me, I just prayed she didn't open her eyes before I got to her. When I got to the couch I grabbed her into my arms intending to put her into my bed, but instead she let out a blood curling scream.

For fuck sake Edward, the girl is sensitive, scared shit less and emotional!

I didn't think she would have reacted that way, I went from treating Bella like a leper to treating her like a normal girl when she was neither. She was fragile and going through shit that I never wanted to fully understand. She was like an angel with broken wings, she needed some care and shit to make her fly again.

Well of course the whole fucking family heard the scream and came running into my room.

"What the fuck?" Emmett said speaking for everyone. He was rubbing his eyes, we'd obviously just woke him up. I felt bad Emmett was working constant shifts lately as well as being at college. He had knocked up his girlfriend Rosalie, and even though dad would have been happy to help him he wanted to provide for his family himself, so he was working as much as possible to save for a house and shit before the baby was born.

"Sorry," I said as Bella just lay in my arms blushing like crazy. "I scared her, I forgot about shit, everything's cool you can all go back to bed."

"Edward language," My father chided me. "Are you ok Isabella?"

Bella nodded which seemed to be sufficient enough for him and he took my mothers hand and led her out my room. Alice glared at me before smiling at Bella and telling Kaycee loudly that I was an ass while she walked out.

"Just kick him in the balls if he gives you any trouble." Emmett half yawned as he walked back to his room. I didn't think he was even fully awake. Bella seemed to find his comment funny as she giggled in my arms. It was then I realized I was still holding on to her. I dumped her on the bed as if she was a hot potato and then I immediately felt bad.

I have a fucking conscience now?

"Sorry." I said. I seemed to be using the word a lot lately. I never used to use it at all. She smiled at me.

"No, I'm sorry, I should have realized it was just you, I didn't mean to scream you just surprised me that was all. I don't feel right taking your bed, I'm a guest here and I know you don't like me and you probably wish I wasn't in your home at all, I know you get comments at school about it. I'm sorry for all the trouble I'm causing in your life, I don't want to take your bed too. Someone like me shouldn't be treated so nicely, you should make me sleep on the floor."

I just stared at her, my mouth hanging open. She seemed to be talking a lot for someone who never used to speak at all.

She thinks you don't like her, she thinks she's not good enough to be treated nice, not good enough for anything.

I didn't need a conscience to know that shit was plain wrong.

"Bella," I started. I was unsure of the right words to use, I wasn't good at this shit, this was more Alice's forte. "I'm sorry for everything I've done to you in the past, it was wrong. I see that now. I'm a fuck up Bella, that's all I'm good at, it's all I'll ever be good at. Your right you are a guest here and you should be treated like a guest and have my bed, it's the least I can do after all the shit I did to you. Your not causing me any trouble, people can say what they like. I do like you by the way and you deserve to be treated human, you are a person Bella. "Someone like you" What do you mean by that? Your no different to Alice, or any other girl Bella, you should be treated a lot better than what you get treated."

It was the longest speech I had ever said in my life. I wasn't exactly respectful to girls, I was a get my hole kinda guy, but every girl I had been with had knew that. They knew what I wanted, I made it clear to them, they were free to walk away. I didn't like rape, I despised it. It was only cowards that raped a girl, to get power or whatever the fuck reason. I would never do that to anyone. I let them make their own choices, I had never had a girl walk away, Bella was the only exception, but knowing what I know now, I can't blame her. She responded to my speech completely different to how I expected.

"I don't want your sympathy, I don't need it." She pretty much spat the words at me.

What were you expecting? Her to fall at her feet?

I blinked at her. She looked so fucking defiant and angry and hot. I didn't know whether to scream at her for taking that interpretation or kiss her for being so damn feisty. As usual I went for the fucked up solution.

I kissed her. Again.

This time however I kissed her passionately. I didn't force myself on her, I gave her a chance to pull away if she wanted to. She didn't. She did the complete opposite, she pushed her tongue into my mouth. I could taste the mint toothpaste she had used. She was infurating, she never did what I expected. She was completely unpredictable. I was now hovering over her on my bed, her arms were tight around my neck pulling me to her. It felt like we had been kissing for hours. I had my arms holding me up but they weren't going to hold for long. She knocked me onto my back. Bella. Bella Swan knocked me onto my back. Her mouth never left me as her small body lay on top of me. I let my hand wander over her stomach, she was so fucking skinny. I could smell strawberry from her hair and I could taste the mint on her tongue. I was completely intoxicated by her. I stopped myself before I tried to go too far, staring into her brown eyes. We lay like that for about five minutes just staring into each others eyes. It was like she could see inside my soul. I didn't like it. She was too innocent to see the darkness in me. She was a damsel in distress. Me? I was a monster always searching for my next prey. She needed a guy like Mike, he was her prince charming. As if she could read me, she let herself slip off me and curled herself into a ball pulling my covers over her.

I wasn't sure whether I should get up and go over to the couch or stay where I was. It was so fucking confusing having to think about what I was doing all the time. I was Edward fucking Cullen I did as I pleased damn the consequences. After battling with myself I got up to go to the couch.

"Hold me?"

It was a request, not a command. It was a request I couldn't deny her of. I had never just slept in a bed with a girl, well one that I wasn't related to. I climbed under the covers and put my arms around her. She adjusted herself to my body and it was as if she just fit there.

She just fit there? Get a fucking grip. She's Cinderella, your fucking shrek. Well not shrek he's ugly, your more like, well your not fucking good anyway. She's just looking for comfort and all you want is to get your dick wet.

It didn't take her long to fall asleep. She lay peacefully in my arms.

"Edward." She murmured. I was about to respond when I realized she was sleeping. She was sleep talking and she said my name. Was she dreaming about me?

I smiled to myself before letting sleep take me.

Bella Pov

I awoke to find myself in Edwards arms. I struggled to remember how that had happened when it dawned on me that I had asked him to hold me. He had kissed me again and I could feel things that I had never felt before. I had felt a desire, an arousal. I was ashamed of myself. I should never have kissed him back. I had behaved terribly, he probably thought I would've slept with him just like any other girl. He must've been aware of the effect he was having on me.

He's the one that stopped the kiss before it got awkward.

I pushed the voice to the back of my mind.

I yawned and stretched being careful not to wake Edward. The alarm hadn't rang out yet and I wasn't sure what time it was. After glancing at the clock it told me it was only 3:30am. It always seemed to be dark in Edwards bedroom, which I assumed he liked, so I was never fully aware of what time it was without the aid of a clock or a watch.

I knew Charlie was due home soon, and I would have to leave here and go back to "hell". I wasn't sure which day he was due back and if he even knew where I was. I wasn't sure if he would come to get me or if he would just assume I had ran away and leave me here. It was Friday today and I figured if it wasn't today it would most likely be Sunday. I had to admit I was terrified, I wasn't ready to leave the safety I had felt lately. I was beginning to become me again, that little girl who had a mother who loved her. The little girl that had dreams and ambitions. I yearned for that, but instead I had nightmares and no sense of security.

You have a date tonight!

I had just remembered about Mike, and I was dreading tonight. I had said yes on impulse and hadn't really thought it through. Mike was Mike, he was no prince, he wasn't even the stable boy. I suppose I wasn't being fair, I didn't really know him, but I didn't really want to get to know him.

I snuggled into Edwards embrace closing my eyes once again. I had never felt so safe, so secure, so comfortable. It was at that moment lying there in his arms, smelling that fragrant honey scent he always seemed to smell of, feeling his muscly arms wrapped around my tiny frame that I realized.

I love him.

Chapter Seventeen

Avoidance

Bella Pov

I could feel my heartbeat racing. I could feel Edward's heartbeat racing.

He kissed me. Edward Cullen just kissed me. The boy who used to trip me up for fun. The boy who hates my very existence. The boy who has mutual hatred for me. He kissed me.

My thoughts weren't entirely true. I didn't hate Edward. I had grew to like him somehow, or at least be fond of him. I could feel my cheeks getting hotter and hotter. The tears that had leaked from my eyes were no longer there. All I could picture in my mind was green. Those green eyes that looked so deep into mine before that wonderful kiss.

I didn't like Edward in that way of course, and he had no right to kiss me. I had never been kissed before, well except for James, I didn't know it could be so nice. I had never even had a boyfriend.

"I'll get Alice to get you some clothes." was all he said after getting dressed himself.

Did I do it wrong? Was I not a good kisser? Of course you aren't, that was the first time you've ever really kissed someone. Edward kisses people like his life depends on it. Why would you think that you could compare to that?

Once I was dressed I made my way to the kitchen for breakfast. Alice was laughing with her friend Kaycee, or Kay as I was to call her and Edward was sitting eating toast texting with his phone. I poured myself a glass of milk and sat down at the table.

I wonder what will happen when Charlie gets home. Life wont be so easy. I'm not free, this is just a taster of what freedom is. I'll never be free.

Carlisle Pov

I stared out the hospital windows. I noticed the smudges and grime that had appeared there but couldn't bring myself to clean them. I rarely got a moment for my thoughts when I was at the hospital. I was constantly busy lately, there were so many patients in and out. So many accidents.

I was thinking about home. I was going to have to buy a bigger house if I kept inviting the wounded to stay, but I couldn't bring myself to leave things alone. I didn't work that way, I stood up for the things I believed in, no matter what the consequences were. I had been taught that as a child and I would carry it to the grave. It was something I tried to instill in my own children. It seemed to have worked in it's own way.

I thought about Isabella and her situation. It was going to be sticky to get her out of it, I had been trying for years but I never really knew how to tackle the situation. Things were different now, she was living under my roof for the time being.

I heard a noise ring out from my pocket. My phone. I always had it switched off when I was in work.

I must have forgotten.

"Hello." I answered.

"Carlisle Cullen?"

"Um yes, and with whom am I speaking with?"

"Charlie, Charlie Swan here."

The voice had no emotion. It was a call I had expected since the first night Isabella had stayed at our home. It surprised me it took this long. Charlie Swan may not care about his daughter, but she was his 'possesion'.

"What can I do for you Mr Swan?" I asked giving him more courtesy than which he deserved.

"Charlie, call me Charlie, I got a phone call from my brother regarding my daughter, I'm sure you know what I'm talking about or do I need to explain?"

"No, no I'm fully aware of what you are talking about Charlie, if you are checking the well being of Isabella, then she is fine, well as fine as she can be now that she is out of harms way."

"Harms way? What in hells name does harms way mean?"

"I am sure you were not aware that your brother sexually assaulted your daughter, and that is why your daughter is currently vacating my house, but that Charlie, is the case."

"He.. He.. He.. Are you.. Are you sure?"

"I assure you I am 100% positive on that matter."

The line went dead.

Edward Pov

I had drove Bella to school that morning, neither of us speaking a word to the other. What do you say to the girl you used to enjoy kicking for fun, that gets abused by her dad, has been raped by her uncle, and you've just kissed her while she cried on your shoulder? Nothing.

I spent the day avoiding her. I would stand at the opposite end of rooms, I wouldn't even glance in her direction. Surely she wouldn't tell people that I kissed her. I'm sure I'd get away with pleading insanity. She was Bella fucking Swan. The fucking outcast. Except she wasn't such an outcast anymore, she had a date with Newton, fuck even Tyler fancied his chances with the new Alice barbie doll version of Bella. They didn't see the girl I saw that morning. The girl with no mask. The broken girl.

I knew I could only avoid her so much, fuck she slept in the same room as me now, but I didn't know what to say to her. I didn't know what she was thinking, what she was feeling, what was going through her mind. I didn't really want to know. It was a mistake, kissing her was a very big mistake. I had to say though she was a great kisser. It wasn't even that much of a kiss but her lips had been soft, there was something gentle about the kiss, but it was raw at the same time. I couldn't describe it, even to myself.

It wasn't till I reached the car I realized I was going to have to see her. I couldn't leave her here, I wasn't that much of an asshole. I tapped my fingers impatiently against the steering wheel as I watched her make her way to the car through the rear view mirror. She looked nervous.

"Good day?" I asked her, as she entered the car, trying to be pleasant.

"Um yeah." She said.

We were having a great conversation. The tension was beginning to feel unbearable and I hadn't even started the car. Bella surprised me then, she burst into laughter. It sounded so light, so carefree and I couldn't help but laugh as well. We smiled at each other before I started the car and drove us home.

"So partner." She said as we entered the house. "Shall we start cooking?" I laughed, I had honestly forgotten all about the project. The constant reminders at school were no help, I didn't really pay much attention.

"How about later?" I asked her. She looked as if she was going to argue so I asked her a different question.

"How about we just chill and watch a DVD or some shit?"

She looked as if she was thinking about it before nodding and smiling. It didn't pass me by that her eyes lit up and I wondered if she ever actually just chilled.

I put on some mushy shit. P.S I love you. All the girls seemed to be into it, and Alice it seemed was no different. I went down to the kitchen to get munchies for us and lifted a bottle of Coke as well. I pondered for a moment before lifting two glassed and made my way back upstairs. I pushed open the door and Bella was lying on my bed in the fetal position, her eyes were red and puffy and her cheeks were stained with tears. Her eyes were glued to the T.V.

This is going to be a long night.